It’s the warmth spreading from my heart to all my limbs, so comforting yet unable to be held inside my body; it shines through my fingertips, never harming neither me nor anybody else, staying pleasant, no matter it’s degree.

It’s the overwhelming feeling that I can’t describe and I deem I could never express it fully. Is this love? Then I feel it every time I am with you, it explodes in me, burning from inside trying to escape from the tips of my fingers, from my sternum, from my chest and abdomen.

But it doesn’t get away, the flame keeps eating me alive and I would never imagine to mind that. Yet, this makes me feel bittersweet as all I can do is tell you about it, never truly show you, convey it all somehow.

For all the hugs, kisses and touches; all the words, messages, phone calls; they are only a fraction of the sun, the star that constantly goes supernova when I’m spending time with you. The star that bursts with flames when I remember that you are a friend of mine, remember that you care about me as much as I care about you.

Then the flames warm the tears that spill out of my eyes, the quiet and gentle stream of gratitude and even after so much time, disbelief that I have lucked out on you staying by my side to traverse through life together. Know that I appreciate every gesture, every second of recognition, every smile, every word and I cherish it. I keep thinking of our shared moments and their meaning, the comfort they bring me; they feed my flame that has become everlasting.

My words will never be enough to express what I feel and yet I will never stop spilling more of them, onto paper, into the air, knowing I have yet more to say, do and show.

My flame is insatiable but I can’t escape, I don’t want to run away; so I walk like a shining beacon, never dimming; because with every word of affirmation, hug, smile and joke, with every question of “are you okey”, with every time you criticise my mother, with every pet of my hair and with every glint of your eyes, with every time you let me come over, you only feed the star and now I am thinking you have made it immortal.

One that will never die to turn into a black hole, devouring; one that will always want to give tenfold of what it received. My body sometimes only feels like a vessel to its brightness, to its rays of warmth and for this flame it will never be enough. Those words will never be enough to express this light, those words could never convey what it feels like; how overwhelming this brightness can get. It keeps on shining for all around if they are careful enough to notice and even if they do it still will not be satiated as the flame keeps licking my bones.

A foreign yet familiar sentiment pushing me to finally feel and experience this selfless love that I gather from all around and rediscover, knowing that my words to describe this mysterious yet marvellous phenomenon will never be enough.

Its’s been a while since I wrote those words, a year ago more or less, but the point still stands. Actually, it will always stand like a soldier on watch, never relieved of his duty. With the added components of distance and time the star is shining still, high temperatures being kept in its core.

It brings out something new, though. Now with you I feel content, like my light ate away enough darkness from my surroundings. When I look at you I see home and so much comfort even when out in the wild. The familiarity of it all astounds me and makes me think that yeah, this is my place on earth, here with you right now. Because I suppose what makes me “me” are some parts of you. So currently my star isn’t made of one component, as it absorbed some of yours. Maybe that’s why now I am even more compelled to be by your side. The particles in me want to make some sort of a bond and finally achieve balance. Somehow they all harmonize with what I have to undertake every day and make me a better person. They make efforts to find the balance again, even if in passing. Then they are overflowing with life, and so the star bursts with vivid flames and hues.

Once again I find out how love feels and it’s a blessing to make that discovery so often. It’s not philia anymore, but storge and I honestly don’t know when this shift happened. Somewhere abroad, on a plane or when you were away as I kept thinking of you? I guess it was only natural, like for a star to mature a bit and grow into its light. All I hope for now is to shine for you and beside you still. In the end, even if always moving, together we make a beautiful constellation.